I have a couple of friends who are in relationships since forever . At least from afar their love stories all sounded like fairy tales. Some of them even met on the other side of the world, instantly fell in love, they moved across the globe to be with each other, they married, they made plans about the future,… they had it all. And then… after many years of , what seemed to be the ultimate love story, they broke up. Most of them because of reasons I have troubles with understanding. „I don’t love him anymore“ — but you married a year ago? You fell in love with him 6 years ago, he gave up his old life for you… how can you NOT LOVE him anymore… from one day to the other? What happened? What changed? „Nothing changed, I don’t know why, but I just don’t feel it anymore. I don’t want this to be the rest of my life. What If there is something better? Someone better? What if I’m missing out because I met this one person so early in my life?“
Then I have other friends, who simply haven’t been single since they turned 15. Those friends jump from one ‚true love‚ to the other and usually after a break up, they won’t waste more than a couple of days on the person they claimed to love so much.
I had a couple of talks lately with these friends of mine and for me, a woman who has been single for almost all her life, who doesn’t fall in love easily, but when it happens…falls head over heels. This whole… I married this person just a year ago, but now I don’t have any feelings anymore and this, well, I went out after I broke up with him or her and met this guy/girl in the club, and I think he/she might be the one… is incomprehensible.
Love for me, is something deep. Something that for sure doesn’t vanish just because… and when I love, I definitely don’t feel like I am missing out on life. Quite the contrary, I feel like life is just then getting what it should be. Fuller, better, more beautiful, more meaningful, grander…
I have to be honest I’ve always been a bit jealous, hearing about their love stories and about their lives together.
I felt like, there is something wrong with me, that I don’t love as easy as they do,… but now, seeing all those break ups and their fear of missing out on life.
I feel like it’s a gift, that I don’t give away love as easily as they do, that I select carefully who I love and who I want to love me. Because of that, love for me is the most precious thing in the world, I’d do anything for the people I love, I sometimes even value them higher than myself. I’d give anything to make it work with the person I love. Especially because I know, this person is somebody very special. One in a million. This one person was able to tear down the walls around my heart. When I’m in love, it would never cross my mind that there is someone better, I should be looking out for. I wouldn’t be with a person if I don’t think this is the best person I could be with. The one person I need and should be with.
So my feeling about all those friends who just separated and , no big surprise, are already in love again with the next person and those friends who give up on relationships without fighting, without trying. Those friends of mine, don’t really know what it means to be in love. Maybe they felt really attracted to a person, had a crush , but if they’d truly have been in love, they wouldn’t be able to move on right away or simply give up. Anyone who had to experience a break up with a person they truly loved know that it takes month, sometimes even years , to get over it.
It feels like your whole world is crashing down on you and in the beginning you even struggle to find meaning in the rest of your life, simply because, life without your loved one seems so insignificant.
So…. even though, I know I’ll probably be single for a much longer part of my life and that, If I ever go through a break up again, it will devastate me again, I’ll probably suffer far more than some of my friends would in the same situation…
I would never ever trade my version of falling in love with theirs.
I need love to be something special and the person I fall for needs to be the most exceptional person I know . Because… if you start giving your heart away easy… won’t all the people you fall for be easily replaced anyway? Would love still be something life changing and the relationship you have, something you will never forget?